Sunday, August 22, 2004
Bad blog writing and lesbians
Liquor makes people do funny things. Well, of course, there are the not so funny things... like driving your car into a ditch or over your cat in the driveway. Or, even worse things. But all in all, we get a little ballsy when we're tipsy and we do things we wouldn't do otherwise...and funny things happen.
Take my friend Matt, for example. He was singing and dancing on top of a table in a Houston bar last week. This weekend, he ticked off a large, burly boyfriend of this girl that he chose to dance with, who subsequently decided to make out with Matt's neck. Matt, obviously, allowed the neck-make-out to ensue, and thus burly boyfriend caused a "bar scene." Even better, two weeks ago this "older woman" came on to him pretty hard in a bar. They got to talking, she said she was from "deep Europe" and that her name was Rossette. Eventually ol' Ross got tipsy crazy and suddenly yelled, "I hate women!" and some other expletives that even I can't write down. Come to find out, good looking older woman was really a heavily make-uped man in a dark bar. Funny shit.
A couple of years ago I went to a favorite bar with a girlfriend of mine. It was a Tuesday night, I think, but we didn't care and ended up drinking more than expected and having hours of great conversation. She's a lesbian, which lent for even more colorful conversation once our inhibitions were down. Because, let's face it...when you get to really drinking and talking, you're going to talk about sex. It's like an unsaid rule of drinking. And I don't mean sex jokes. I mean you talk about sex. So, this guy that we now call "Moby Dick Man" was sitting close to us at the bar reading, of course what else, Moby Dick. He's there a lot, always alone and always reading. Moby Dick was his companion for quite a while. But that night, sitting closeto my friend and me, I noticed he hadn't flipped a page in a looong time. So I quietly signaled my friend in that sly way that only girls can do, and we sauced up the lesbian conversation just for fun. He got an earful.
So I saw Moby Dick man Friday night. He only had a newspaper with him. He circled the bar at least five times, as there wasn't an open seat, and I guess he thought that if he just circled it onnnnne more time that a seat would be available. He always sits at the bar. It must have been pretty stressful for him.
Anyway, my lesbian girlfriend was there, and her partner, and Matt. We drank a couple and then headed downtown. Ended up in an Irish pub, McIntires, though the only thing Irish about it was the neon sign in the front window. We find a spot at the end of the bar right in front of one of those dollar trivia game machines. So, naturally we have to play trivia. And since I've been drinking, I of course put in the five dollar bill instead of the one. Just a funny little thing you'll do while drinking, spend a lot of money. Luckily for Matt and the lesbians, there was "Erotic Trivia." And I say lucky for them because every now and again when we got a question right a picture of a naked woman popped up on the screen. Much cheering was had. And I'm sure much talking was going on among the group of frat boys that were standing behind us. Ahhh....just another night on the town.
Take my friend Matt, for example. He was singing and dancing on top of a table in a Houston bar last week. This weekend, he ticked off a large, burly boyfriend of this girl that he chose to dance with, who subsequently decided to make out with Matt's neck. Matt, obviously, allowed the neck-make-out to ensue, and thus burly boyfriend caused a "bar scene." Even better, two weeks ago this "older woman" came on to him pretty hard in a bar. They got to talking, she said she was from "deep Europe" and that her name was Rossette. Eventually ol' Ross got tipsy crazy and suddenly yelled, "I hate women!" and some other expletives that even I can't write down. Come to find out, good looking older woman was really a heavily make-uped man in a dark bar. Funny shit.
A couple of years ago I went to a favorite bar with a girlfriend of mine. It was a Tuesday night, I think, but we didn't care and ended up drinking more than expected and having hours of great conversation. She's a lesbian, which lent for even more colorful conversation once our inhibitions were down. Because, let's face it...when you get to really drinking and talking, you're going to talk about sex. It's like an unsaid rule of drinking. And I don't mean sex jokes. I mean you talk about sex. So, this guy that we now call "Moby Dick Man" was sitting close to us at the bar reading, of course what else, Moby Dick. He's there a lot, always alone and always reading. Moby Dick was his companion for quite a while. But that night, sitting closeto my friend and me, I noticed he hadn't flipped a page in a looong time. So I quietly signaled my friend in that sly way that only girls can do, and we sauced up the lesbian conversation just for fun. He got an earful.
So I saw Moby Dick man Friday night. He only had a newspaper with him. He circled the bar at least five times, as there wasn't an open seat, and I guess he thought that if he just circled it onnnnne more time that a seat would be available. He always sits at the bar. It must have been pretty stressful for him.
Anyway, my lesbian girlfriend was there, and her partner, and Matt. We drank a couple and then headed downtown. Ended up in an Irish pub, McIntires, though the only thing Irish about it was the neon sign in the front window. We find a spot at the end of the bar right in front of one of those dollar trivia game machines. So, naturally we have to play trivia. And since I've been drinking, I of course put in the five dollar bill instead of the one. Just a funny little thing you'll do while drinking, spend a lot of money. Luckily for Matt and the lesbians, there was "Erotic Trivia." And I say lucky for them because every now and again when we got a question right a picture of a naked woman popped up on the screen. Much cheering was had. And I'm sure much talking was going on among the group of frat boys that were standing behind us. Ahhh....just another night on the town.
